Leave me on a desserted island with nothing but a pen and a piece of paper; with those, I shall create myself another world.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

We thought wrong.

There were days when I couldn't get out of bed in the morning...when I thought wrapping myself with a quilt and holding my pillow tight would make me feel safer and fill the hole in my chest. I put on a blindfold and wouldn't bear to see a ray of sunlight that reminded me there was an entire life out there that you kept me from - a shining sun, a light breeze and laughter scattered all around that without you seemed ridiculous and bitter. All the while you saw the love grow in me and began to grow apart from me, your certainty increasing by the minute that if I love you to the extent of not leaving my doorstep, I love you enough to never leave you.

You were wrong.

You see, one day a force pulled me out of my shell. I saw life. I saw people who can't bear to see the tears you laugh at. I met friends who were terrified at the thought of losing me even when they knew they had my heart in hold. I heard laughter that I couldn't immitate because it never came from the heart. I saw glittering eyes, contrary to the glassy ones that stared back at me in every mirror. I learned. My guard was shed so up high that I could do nothing but look at tiny moments I wished I could have. Moments that I forgot ever existed. Like a smile almost breaking your face. An unstoppable laughter that brings tears to your eyes and clenches your stomach so tight that it's hard to breathe. A moment that is so breath-taking that you can't put it into words. It was difficult. But I learned.

I learned that life is too valuable to revolve around one person. Happiness is too precious to be depending on a human being. A heart is too fragile to keep handing to a wreckless inconsiderate individual and me...? I was too much for you.

I can breathe now. I can smile until it hurts. I can laugh until happy tears shower my face. And there's light in my eyes again.