Thursday, March 29, 2012
I drowned the world surrounding me with melody in my ears.
I challenged myself, time and time again.
I walked around with only one person on my mind.
I said it the way I thought it.
I loved the way I wanted to be loved.
I kept away from the crowds. They made me nervous.
I exceled under the highest of pressures.
I smiled to convince myself it'd be a good day.
I gave more than I took.
I learned to be patient with the people I love.
I did not believe in regrets. My mistakes are a part of who I am.
I lost all my inner peace when facing stupid questions.
I trusted only myself when it came to the quality of work.
I stopped bothering to do what was never appreciated.
I thought too much about things I'm not supposed to question.
I made mistakes knowing how huge they were.
I knew my faults but rarely felt like changing them.
I hated it when someone would steer me into a different direction.
I took my best friends for granted, knowing their friendship would be a 'constant'.
I lived. I learned. I loved. I lost. I changed.
And it finally dawned upon me that life is bits and pieces, moments, situations, reactions...stories you create; a book that you continue to write with the small parts of you. It is those small parts that make a human being. It is those parts that shape your story.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
There was a lot I wish I could have done
A lot of pain to have undone
A loss I wish I haven't lost
A darkness now replaced my sun
I saw him leave in front of me
I felt his presence be free
Fleeting, it filled the air
Then left the room with dignity
Today, there was no longer him and I
Life is short. Life is gone.
Today, I watched him die.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
We take life for granted. We take the people who we love for granted. We go on about our lives doing the same things, having the same conversations and arguing over the silliest of things. We never stop to wonder what would happen if we lost that special someone.
Today, I stopped. I thought. I imagined a life in which you are gone. I trembled just at the idea and my eyes watered at the image of going around places without you by my side. Who would I call every morning? Whose laugh would I look forward to? Which arms are going to hold me when I can no longer hold my tears?
But those are just the things that naturally come to mind. Then I began to notice how every little thing of my day has got to do with you. You drive me everywhere. You are the one I call when there's this task I can't get done. You are the person who reminds me of my to-do list and practically do every item in it for me.
I pray to God I would never see a day without you. I pray to God I'd never live a life in which you are not present it. Not just because I would be lost. Not only because I would be helpless and unable to do anything and everything. I pray to God I would never lose you because the love I have for you in my heart does not allow me to live in a world where I can't see your face. I cannot bear to witness a day in which I don't see you jumping with excitement when you are happy. I can't begin to imagine a day, a single moment...in which I do not know that you are out there - keeping me safe, keeping me happy and keeping me alive.
And so, if I have ever taken you for granted, I apologize. I want you to know that I feel grateful for every minute I have you. And that every day I wake up, I know how incredibly fortunate I am to have you in my life. You ARE my life. I love you.
Monday, March 19, 2012
I know you think that I've said too much
I know you think that I've gone too far this time
Call me out of line
But this isn't what it is
Say I've lost my mind
But there's more to it than this
Show me that I'm wrong
But hear me out first
Maybe you know nothing afterall
I've been set up to fail
I've been beat up hard
I've been framed to do the part
A part I haven't done
A sin I didn't commit
A betrayal I didn't participate in
Take a breath
Take it in
Pull her out of your skin
Then think again
I know you'll think I'm saying too much
I know you'll think I'm going way too far this time
You'll think am out of line
And That I have lost my mind
Sunday, March 18, 2012
There's this point in your life where you are about to step into a whole new world. That is the point when life, as you know it, is about to change. It will not be the same again. The feeling of walking towards an unknown and an unpredictable future could be terrifying. Questions begin to surface about how strong you are; how qualified, how experienced and whether or not you're even good enough to make it out there. I suppose the questions will remain unanswered but until then, I comfort myself with one thought - If others did it, why the hell can't I rule it?
Saturday, March 10, 2012
- One moment can define your state of mind. Just one moment could make you live in a heaven or a hell (temporarily, ofcourse).
- Friends become strangers in the blink of an eye. Bestfriends you used to spend every minute with become people whose updates you know through facebook.
- It's always the closest people to you that you take for granted. You always seek the company of strangers who are not as worthy as the closest friends who you continue to ignore.
- Girls will always be those creatures that one day, curse their boyfriend in front of everyone and talk about what a douche he is but the next day, he is the best guy in the whole wide world (ofcourse that's after he makes up for his mistake in the most non-apologetic way)
- There are people who can't sleep without noises from their busy street. The silence would actually awaken them.
- Guys. They will always refer to themselves as "simple". As if the entire women population all around the world are just too mentally retarded to get their simplicity.
- When a horrible tragedy happens to someone you know. It will affect you and you might even change your lifestyle because you've re-thought your ways. But a few days (or perhaps, weeks) later, you're back to who you were in the first place.
- Girls are never satisfied. If they're dating an asshole, they'll complain. If they're dating the perfect guy, they'll get bored.
- People always say "you never know what you've got until you lose it". And even know they are well aware of the saying, they still always have to lose their loved one then repeat the God damn quote.
- Shrinks are always insane.
- Professors were young once, right? They had someone nagging and making their life a living hell. And they definetly wished for someone nicer, someone who is more human. Why is it, then, that they give us the same crap they always hated getting?! Is it some kind of psychological complex?
- People can smile at someone a minute then curse the living hell out of them the second someone walks away. And the scariest thing is, the smile would be so unbelievably genuine that it gets you wondering, what on earth will be said about you once you walk away?!
Ofcourse, the list of strange things could go on and on...but that's all that irritates me at the moment.
Monday, March 5, 2012
I look at you and see a future. I see challenges that we overcome together. I spot difficulties in the way but I have no fears. How can I when I know you will be by my side?
My love, life does not always give us what we want. But it gave me you. So how can I ever be ungrateful? How can I ever damn my luck for not having more when I already have the world?
Let me tell you this, when my heart flusters with concern and those irritating knots begin to form in my stomach, it is not because I fear the future and what it brings. It is because I become terrified at the thought of you, one day, not smiling. My heart aches at the mere idea of you becoming concerned and consumed by the unknown. Perhaps this will ease your racing heart and calm your raging mind - I will always love you. I will never leave you. In the worst of consequences and when opposing the most stubborn obstacles, my hand will always be holding yours. Because I believe that together, we can walk through the rain, brave the most disastrous storm and appear on the other side of the war zone, unharmed and with love untarnished.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
I walked those streets feeling a heaviness in my chest. Knowing you were nearby was difficult. It was disturbing. I didn't want to risk running into you and I didn't know what would happen if I did. I went about my way looking behind my shoulder, glancing right and left every few seconds. Then I left. I went home. And finally, the peace within me was back again.
I fear walking down the same path again.
I worry about meeting the same fate.
It concerns me, consumes me..the fact that I would walk into a place and suddenly find myself saying "Hey, I've been here before."
The doubts never fade but with faith, the thought stumbles backward until it cripples in a corner of my mind. Waiting. Waiting for me to be weak again in order to resurface.
Friday, March 2, 2012
I've told you a million times
I see it in your eyes
Those despicable lies
That you just can't deny
I've said it again and again
You've got to make amends
I won't be here till the end
You've got to stop
You've got to stop
So why don't we go over this again
Aim for the truth this time
It will do you good
Open up, you should
I've told you a million times
I see it in your eyes
Spare me the swears and the sighs
It's too much to deny
Hear me out now
This is your last shot
This one chance i'm giving you
Is the only last thing you've got
Quit the act, you don't wear it well
It's time for leave or tell.