Leave me on a desserted island with nothing but a pen and a piece of paper; with those, I shall create myself another world.

Friday, September 16, 2011


"Just don't give up", he said.
"Just don't give up", he begged.
We make our bed
And we lie in it.
There's so much more, you know.
I've still got so much more to give,
So much more to show you.
Just give me time.
You're mine
And I never thought the day would come
When I'd stand here empty handed
Regretting taking you for granted.
"Just don't give up", he said.
As I walked away,
He didn't plead.
He never begged.
Not even a single word was said.
That was just the hopeful scenario in my head.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

[HBBC - 2] Selective Ability

Welcome to The Half-Baked Bloggers Consortium's (HBBC) second post. Meet the members here.
This week's topic is Forgive and forget, chosen by Noor Al Zubaidy. Please take the time to view the members' blogs just as you viewed mine in order to get different perspectives about the same topic.


I was looking for quotes to begin this article with when I came across this
"To forgive and not to forget is like burying the hatchet with the handle sticking out."
~ Unknown

It is that handle that we tug on in times of despair, when we want to remind someone of the extent of compromise we have done  and how much we have let go of things that were painful to us for their sake. We use that martyr-card because we believe it will color us forgiving in the eyes of the beholder, only doesn't it actually show how we were never really that forgiving at all?! Doesn't it actually seem like we occasionally let things go just to bring them up again and use them against somebody when the time calls for it..?!

Well anyway, to forgive...to TRULY forgive...one must let go. I don't know what comes first to the common person but personally, "forgive and forget" for me is just about letting it go. Extracting the pain from a memory, tearing that piece of the past apart, burning it and dispersing its ashes upon moving waters until nature takes that aching act far far away from sight and mind.

Normally, I don't find it that difficult. Once I found someone extremely unworthy of everything I've ever done for them, I look at them as strangers that I never knew. I actually am able to extract every good, bad and neutral memory out of that individual and look at them as if I've never seen or spoken to them before. I forget their voice, their smile, their laughs and I actually forget entire situations. I lose bulks and bulks of memories related to them until poof, they never existed in my life before. I would explain how I did it if only I knew how.

And if only I knew how, I would will myself into forgiving and forgetting the others. Those who were unworthy yet worthy. The ones who killed me yet breathed life into me. The people who I thought I knew but turned out I never understood. Those very very few people who stabbed me as I cried for them, who went cruel as I went soft, who walked away at the first chance they got. Those are the people I don't know how to let go of. The kind of people that so many unanswered questions revolve around, that they remain a mystery I try to unravel every single day. Those are the people I can not forgive. And can not forget.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Letters and Broken Hearts

This one's a special dedication for a girl, a stranger I do not know; yet, she reminded me of myself in painful days and ended up being my muse for the day. I wish you well and I wish you a happier ending.

When pain consumed her from within
When it took her under and in
And threw her back to life
Simply to watch life that she couldn't have
Shattered, paralysed
And left staring at a thousand pieces
Of an antique she could never replace

When her head hit the pillow
And thoughts of him had raced
Memories she attemped to erase
And pictures she had torn
Form a collage in her mind,
Brings tears to her eyes
And punches a hole in her chest

When in her blank stares, he would hide
In her head, behind
Lingering awaiting the moment she walks
To trip her again
She tumbles again
And from the ground
She sees the stain from when her heart had bled

When that pain becomes a weight
That no painkillers could cure
And no friends could listen to
And no person could endure

She puts pen to paper
She draws skyscrapers
That have been diminished to debris.

She puts pen to paper..
And with all the strength she has left
All the hope that hasn't left yet
She writes.

She writes her pain away
Hoping that these debris..
These words..
Could be put together again..
Reformed and rephrased..
To tell a different story..
One where they do not have to be apart.
One with a happier ending.

A Bipolar Addiction

I've got you under my skin,
Between my fingers,
Written across my forehead,
And stamped on my chin.
I've got you around me
And I've got you deep in
Where no one can see
Where no one but me
Knows what you can do -
What you are capable of
The strength you could use
The powers you abuse
When it comes to me.
I've got you under
And I've got you on top..
Like a cloud that trails me
And rains on my parade
Like my stalker of a shade.
Does no one see
The reality?
You're viral,
I spiral
In limbo because of you..
I do!
I laugh,
I cry
and with your bidding
I live and die
and live again.
You see,
I've got you under my skin.
And only I am to blame.
I let you in.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Fading Vividly

The night was pale
The stars were dim
I sat there
Thinking of him
And the burned out fire.
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Gone is the love
Gone is the lust
Yet lingers around
My sense of despair
For the fact that he
Is no longer there.

[HBBC - 1] Love "You" and Be Loved In Return

Welcome to The Half-Baked Bloggers Consortium‘s (HBBC) first post, where NemaMaha Mohamed,Ammar Al-MajaliRana SafiMaryamYara HaniNoha HanafyNoor Al ZubaidyNouran ZiadNoor El terkSalima Al MasrouriMariam TarekSara AmrYasmine FayezRania Khaled,Engi AminIbhogHagar Haggag, Abeer Zaki, Yomna Arbad, Salma M San, My Essam and I voice our opinions about a weekly topic chosen by any HBBC member. This weekend’s topic is Self-love, chosen by Nema. Please take the time to view their blogs just like you viewed mine in order to get different perspectives on the same topic. 

Topic of the day- 

No matter how much we claim that we don't care about people's opinions, there's always this little part at the back of our heads wondering how people will respond to certain behaviors, incidents in our life, a haircut or even an outfit we're wearing. We wonder if we will fit in with our looks and words, if we will belong...if we will be liked and loved. And I'm not referring to the boy-girl love people think the term is bound to. Love that exists between friends and family has been obviously forgotten but it's still there you know. So, let me speak for all forms and shapes of love. And please allow me to say that, if you do not love yourself, nobody will ever love you.

Think about if someone talks to you endlessly about a pair of horrible shoes, for instance; when you finally see the shoes, you're going to find it very difficult to see good in them even if they are classy pencil heels that will make you look taller and adjust your posture to a confident and feminine one rather than the slouched casual everyday look you're so sick of. You will see the shoes through the other person's eyes so no matter how good they are, they will always be just a little bit damaged in your sight now.

People see you through your own eyes. Your insecurities can shape your facial features. Your lack of confidence shows in your eyes that move around looking for what you think you do not have. Your poor self-esteem is bouncing around midst the circle of friends talking oh-so-confidently while you stand gaping, unsure of whether you should include yourself in the conversation or if people won't think you're smart or funny enough.

People see that. People see you not liking yourself enough and eventually, they think the same of you as you think of yourself. And why wouldn't they? Why would someone like who you are if you, yourself, do not like who you are..?! 

Learn to love yourself. Seriously, no one is more worthy of being loved than YOU. No one will ever look out for you more than yourself. People come and go, even family. People move away, lose touch or (God Forbid) pass away. Only you remain with yourself until the very end of your journey in life. From beginning to end.

So, love yourself! Learn to have fun ON YOUR OWN rather than making your happiness dependent on someone who may or may not be there. Learn to enjoy your own company because if you don't, why on earth would anyone enjoy yours?!