That Happy Girl

In case you ever wondered, I just want you to know, I'm in a better place right now. I'm in a happier place. You'd never see me without my smile on and the best part is, it's always straight from my heart. I excelled at the most recent phase of my life and I'm expecting to do pretty well in the next one. I have a good life now. I rarely ponder upon my day-to-day existence and wish for anything more because I've got enough to fill me up for a hundred lifetimes to come. I'm in a good place. And I'm happy.

Friends, Family and Acquaintances

I heard that at some point, your friends become family. Their mistakes, no matter how huge, become forgivable because you have no other option but to forgive, forget, let go and hold on to what you've got. But even family grows apart. Even people with the same genes and blood grow away from eachother and become fonder of other people. Sisters meet boys and brothers meet girls and they move on to make their own families. Their loyalty becomes diverted towards someone else. Their priorities change. They make new lives for themselves and in those lives, you don't play the role you used to. You become replaced.

6 July 2012

6 July 2012. There's so much feeling there that I should be able to put into words but the truth is, I spent all my words explaining to him the bliss I have because of his existence. I wish I had more to say about it all. About that sensation that I'm building a new part of my life, only I'm building it with the help of someone else. About the moment he put a band around my finger and how I look at it every little while and smile like a teenager who is falling in love for the very first time. There's so much feeling there and even though all my efforts were spent on giving him explicit details about every thought that has been crossing my mind, there's always more inside of me when it comes to him.

On the 6th of July, 2012, I felt like I had truly said goodbye to a life I once knew. I felt like I was at peace. The feeling began to overwhelm me ever since I met him. Bit by bit I started to let go of pieces of my past. I began to forgive and forget. I said my farewells, one day at a time, to every ruined relationship, every heartache and every person I knew who made memories with me. Knowing him, I walked away from an ordinary life and entered into a world in which smiles are so frequent and laughter is so loud. I entered into a universe that knows no misery and no sadness except for when I am missing the sight of his face and the sound of his voice.

The 6th of July was really just like any day with only one difference. I said it out to the world. The look in my eyes spoke the love I had for him in front of an audience who stood there watching. And the best part is, they didn't even matter because every time I laid my eyes on him, he drowned out the crowd. Just like he did the first time I saw him. Every time I laid eyes on him, I was drawn to him and I'd remember the pull he had on me that day when I suddenly glanced at him and said "hello". He was only a stranger then. But today, that stranger is my best friend.

Growing Up (And What Comes Along With It)

When you've got only 2 weeks to say goodbye to a life you once knew, a feeling of loss can overwhelm you. The intensity and greatness of the matter can be too much to comprehend. It just doesn't seem to sink in. You start thinking again and again about the life you lead and the life you will be leading. What a great difference between the two! Things that seemed to make "big changes" seem so trivial now. Moving to a new school. Going to college. It was all just the same events in different forms. But this...This is moving out of the life you knew and into real life. It's scary. It's frightening. And the thought of whether or not you are going to make it as an adult can cripple you. It consumes me at night. Things I never thought of. Things I never had to worry about are now becoming my responsibility. Some people believe that it is easier for those who have a rock to lean on because they will never really have to worry about making a living. But sometimes..just sometimes..there are those people that find the rock even a bigger pressure because they fear that one day, they may have to let themselves down and go back to being dependent when they should be independent. Sometimes the rock is not a source of comfort but a concern. But then again, don't all these thoughts come with the package of growing up?

Denial

I'm taking a minute
To smell the fresh air
To gaze at the sky
To skip on by
With a smile on my face
I walk around
I jump around
I dance around
With a laugh that rings
And a face that shines
And when my heart races
When these knots in my stomach form
When concerns begin to surface
I look past them
I ignore them
I pretend they don't exist
Because I don't want to think
Of what will happen if I don't

Dear beloved,

I look back at my old life...the life that didn't used to include you in it and I wonder...how on earth did I ever get by? How did I survive life without the one person who makes it worth living? I look back and I see a hell of a difference. I see laughter in my world, the kind that hurts your face and gives you an abrupt severe headache. I see nights in which I go to bed with nothing but a smile because it is a policy of yours to never leave me upset for more than 10 minutes. I hear phonecalls that even until now, go on for hours. I also hear our bestfriends swearing that we would be sick of eachother after the first couple of months of us spending all our time together and I thank God that until this very day, we continue proving them wrong. So I just wanted to take this time out to tell you how much I appreciate every thing you have done for me, every single time you have been there for me, every tear you dried, every stress I had that you managed to calm down and every concern that I had which you always made go away. I need you to know that for all of that and so much more, I will forever be grateful. I will always look at you and think "Damn, I got lucky" because despite all of the bad luck, the bad guys and the bad relationships, you came along and made that all ancient history. You came along and proved that like I believed, not the entire male species is messed up. You came along and made me a happier, more confident and better version of me. So, thank you. Thank you for always accepting me as I am. Thank you for being my constant source of support. And more than anything, thank you for still looking at me the way you did when we first met...for loving me with the same passion and missing me with the same insanity. And finally, thank you for stepping in to my life when you did. You really were sent to save me.

Love always,
Your girl.

Questions & Silent Answers

You ask a hundred questions
That I can't help but laugh at.
You wonder why I love you..
What can I say to that?
You think I'm mocking you
When I laugh the way I do
But the truth is...
No words could explain
And no pictures can contain
The wonders of you!
You ask if I may stray
If one day, I can leave.
I laugh and inside, I die
Because until this day
You don't understand
The love a man like you deserves
And that you are a blessing I count every day.
I laugh because you still cannot see
What you have done to me.
You don't know I'm hooked on you
And that I linger on every single thing you do.
You don't see me sheepishly smile at you
When you're not even looking.
You ask if I can be for another
And I don't bother answering that
Because what kind of person
What kind of IMBECILE
Would leave heaven for earth?!