Fortitude

- Dedicated to a person who is special to me more than she will ever understand. I will stay until it's done. I will stay until you are well. I will stay until you are back to who you used to be. That is a promise.

It breaks my heart to do it
It tears me down to see you cry
It cuts me to see the pain in your eyes
But we both know, it needs to be done

Here are the words you didn't want to hear
Here are all the things you tried not to feel
Here is the truth, no more lies
I know you've fallen but you shall rise

Here are the facts you tried to avoid
Here's the story that filled up your void
Here's a reality check, you know it isn't true
I know it's hell but I've been there too

It might take every single day
I might have to say things too hurtful to say
You'll despise me, you'll shut me out
But I will stay until it's done

P.S I will never give up on who I know you are. Even if you've forgotten or given up, I'll always be here to remind you. I will always have faith in you even when you no longer have faith in yourself.

A Never-Ending Cycle

You live your life in a bubble. Not the kind that isolates you from the world. No. What I mean is your life is always wrapped up in a bubble. You’ve got your family, friends, school or your job. Until one day one thing happens and your life is no longer what it used to be.

That one thing could be death of a loved one; somebody so critical in your life that their loss throws your whole existence off balance. That one thing could be moving to a different country where everything you know is left behind and you enter a world you are being introduced to.

Change. Nothing is immune to change. We always reject that little piece of life that throws you to a different direction. We never stop to think that the bubble always burst. That you blow air out and another bubble is formed. One that you will struggle in but eventually, get a hand of. Until it bursts again.

Constants and Variables

Change. That moment when we step out of our comfort zone to another one which we know nothing of, nothing about. It is that moment when we begin to live a life that is new to us, one so different than the life we've lead before. There's a thrill to it at first. There's this terror that revolves around it; a tension so deep that it disrupts everything that you've carried with you from your old world. Change. Once it happens in one aspect of our lives we think it needs to strike all other parts of our universe when the truth is, there's always a constant that could continue to survive in a new environment. Just because things are unfamiliar doesn't mean that you have to lose what you know and still have. Once we come to realize that, our constant could be the rock we lean on when new things fail us. And at the end of the day, it will always be settling to contemplate and find that everything had not transformed around you. It will always be good for you to have a reminder of who you used to be.

Losing Familiarity

I look at faces I knew so well
who they are now, I can not tell
Friends become enemies
and family become strangers
My heaven transforms into a hell

The pressure consumes me from within
takes over, I don't know what to think
Teacher becomes student
and parent becomes child
im on board a boat that is about to sink

I hover around them looking for a sign
a part of the old them that hasn't resigned
their smiles are fake
their talk is cheap
and I'm left dumbfounded way behind

I looked at people I once knew
I took a step forward and then withdrew
love turned to indifference
hope turned to disappointment
I no longer know any of you

Something Somewhere

Something in the air
is still
Somewhere between us
stands a hill
that suddenly appeared.

Something in your eyes
is empty
somewhere in your look
you resent me
and i dont know why.

Something in your smile
is fake
Somehow things feel
at stake
between us.

Somewhere in your words
is reassurance
It leads me no where
but endurance
won't last long.

Facts and Wishes

there was alot i hoped u could understand
about a million things i couldn't tell a man
it's getting hard it's getting cold
and there's alot unsaid that needs to be told
and i didnt know what to say
i didn't know how to make it go away
i didn't know what to do
and i could come with it to you
so now I say, I'm sorry
I wish it could have been different
but it ain't...

there was so much you needed to hear
facts I wished could disappear
alot i had to handle on my own
and no, you never left me alone
but i didn't know what to say
and i knew you cudnt make it go away
i didn't know what to do
and i couldnt work it out with you
so now i say, im sorry
i wish it could have been different
but it ain't

days go by
things tend to change
there's alot that needs to be rearranged
life happens
and i know they say its for the best
but it ain't..

there was so much i needed to say
i didn't want to walk away
there was alot i had to do
i wish i could have done it with
and i'm sorry
I wish i could say we're okay
but we ain't.

The End

I watched him wither
diminished to pieces of burnt paper
like a story that has been told
a book that has been read
and lit fire to
I watched the pieces float into air
turn to ashes that sprinkled the floor
and in turn, vanished
what was left had gone with the wind
taken to a thousand different cities
a hundred different countries
keeping a small reminder constant
of a man that had lived
a man that had tortured
a man that had died.

News of the Hour

Hold my hand
Hold it tight
feel the shivers
run through my fingers
and the shudder
race down my spine

Whisper to me
Feel it shake
my whole world
know what a simple word
from you
would do to me

Look in my eye
and see the love
I have for you
See what I can dare to do
in the name
of us

Walk away
now look back
and see me fall
see me curl into a ball
of nothingness
in your absence

Come back to me
Light up my life
rid of me this pain
its all in vain
ill never move on
without you

Dont you know by now?
That every step I take I take for you
Cant you see by now?
That with every move you make, I shift too
Didn't you hear by now?
Everyone's talking about how i Can't live without you

Perfect Measurements

your arms lock around me
emanating heat that surrounds me,
fills me in and takes me under
with heaving sighs
I hold on tight
ridding myself of all concerns inside me
until my breath eases
my grasp releases you
Inhale
Exhale
Slowly
Frail i feel, in your embrace
fragile yet carefully held
with tender hands
that fear my fall
my break
and for my own sake
you hold me quite right
as if you've got insight to my soul
as if to protect me from a fall
but nevertheless
give me room to breathe
to soar
to fly
only i always fly right back to you

Consequences

You love me like you will always get the chance.
You hug me like you will again in a few hours.
You turn your back quickly because you're so certain that you'll see me again.

Human nature. We all live through life, making the worst of mistakes, knowing that they have consequences and CHOOSING to overlook them. For some reason, there's always a louder voice in our head that believes we are above it all..that we are immortal..that there will always be time to turn around and alter our realities, undo our mistakes or fix what has been broken. Why are we so certain of time on our hands when we could run out at any minute? When life could end. Now.

Love me like there is no tomorrow.
Hug me like it is the last time.
Look at me like you never will again.

I won't be here forever. I won't tolerate your thoughtless mistakes and endless indifference for much longer. I won't keep making the same choice of staying on your side when you neglect me over and over again. I won't be a constant in your life.

One day, I will not want your love.
One day, our hug will be a wave goodbye.
One day, you'll only get to see my back as I walk away.

And when that day comes, I won't bother listening to the hundred apologies and the endless promises. I won't hurt over the fact that you'll be in pain. And it won't kill me to see you cry.

Conspiracy Theory

I walked in streets so bright and clear
Until suddenly, it took a steer
a left, a right
landmarks out of sight
Like a dog trying to catch his tail
I twisted and turned
until I finally learned
the path has been broken
into a maze within a maze
with obstacles woven
as I fell, my knees I grazed
and from between the forest
that surrounded me
a pair of eyes seemed
to be haunting me
I felt them stare
as I hit the ground
as I ran into dead ends
I could hear their sound
applauding their doing
after watching me fall
they did it all.

The Perfect Act

I played a game of make believe
to convince myself I didn't care
if you weren't there
but I do...
And I ache at the thought of parting you.
I drew a smile and painted rosy cheeks
to tell myself I'd be happy,
that this would do us good
but I don't know if it would
and I dont know if I should
keep faking to divert the attention away
off my breaking heart.
My days they are full with sunshine you know -
one that i colored so well -
can you tell
that my days are a living hell
at the thought of leaving you?
Can you see
the dagger stab its way through me
or is my smile so bright
shedding all the light
on emotions unreal?
Can you feel me?
Do you hear the voice I have silenced,
the cry I have muted,
the million quiet words that refuted
everything I do or say?
I would not blame you.
For even to me, its not clear as day;
To the contrary
I, myself, have begun to believe
a lie that I told in order not to have you bothered
or smothered
or feel like I am a mother who can't bear to leave her child
who can not wait to leave his guardian.
I believed until i remembered
the one thing i can not bear to part with -
the sight of your face...
your smile...
thats when it all compiled
sending a shimmering drop
down my dry face
to soften all the roughness
I have embraced
To remind me that i am not of stone
That i am afraid -
Not of where I'm going
nor of what we will be doing,
but of existing without you.