Friday, February 3, 2012
Hello and Goodbye
I do not know where to begin..what words to start with. Let me first say, hello again. It's been a while since you have been out of my life and today is one of the many days in which I thank God for that. I look at what you have become or who you always were only I never realized...and I thank God. Over and over again. The thing is, I never wished you harm. I always wished you well. I wished you would find the strength to become sane, the confidence to become self-secure and the stability to remain true to yourself and those who you love. I wished you all the good things in the world and even though I had no regrets, I cried at the thought of leaving you behind. I cried at the thought of cutting you out of my life. Excuse my honesty but the tears were not due to the wonderful person you actually were but to the fact that it was difficult to have somebody become a part of your world, your entity and suddenly, not. Finding out what I found today, I feel no remorse, no sorrow and once again, re-inforced certainty of the choice I made. What I do feel for you, however, is pity. I pity you because until this very day, you hide behind a macho mask that you think is invisible to everybody else when the truth is, everyone can see right through you. I pity that you have made innumerable attempts to send messages across to me through friends who were, up until those attempts, were always on your side. Friends who, today, salute my decision of walking away from you. I pity that you couldn't see love even when it hit you in the face. I pity you for taking it for granted. But most of all, I pity you for bragging about your age when each experience you get, you learn nothing from. To the contrary, every situation you are put in takes a little piece from you and makes you less of a person, less of a man and more like a child. I only wish that you do not continue this way, for the sake of mankind and for the sake of you, a person who afterall, I once knew. I wish you the kind of love that I have today. The kind that takes your breath away, takes you under and gets you gasping for breath. I wish you love that brings out sides of you that you never knew existed. I wish you find life and experience joy in a way you never had before. I wish you love and happiness. I wish you would let go of your attempts to show me how happy you are without me because I know I never mattered and it honestly does not concern me. And despite all the veiled-hate-messages you try sending me, I wish you enough peace to let me go.