Leave me on a desserted island with nothing but a pen and a piece of paper; with those, I shall create myself another world.



Friday, February 3, 2012

Hello and Goodbye

I do not know where to begin..what words to start with. Let me first say, hello again. It's been a while since you have been out of my life and today is one of the many days in which I thank God for that. I look at what you have become or who you always were only I never realized...and I thank God. Over and over again. The thing is, I never wished you harm. I always wished you well. I wished you would find the strength to become sane, the confidence to become self-secure and the stability to remain true to yourself and those who you love. I wished you all the good things in the world and even though I had no regrets, I cried at the thought of leaving you behind. I cried at the thought of cutting you out of my life. Excuse my honesty but the tears were not due to the wonderful person you actually were but to the fact that it was difficult to have somebody become a part of your world, your entity and suddenly, not. Finding out what I found today, I feel no remorse, no sorrow and once again, re-inforced certainty of the choice I made. What I do feel for you, however, is pity. I pity you because until this very day, you hide behind a macho mask that you think is invisible to everybody else when the truth is, everyone can see right through you. I pity that you have made innumerable attempts to send messages across to me through friends who were, up until those attempts, were always on your side. Friends who, today, salute my decision of walking away from you. I pity that you couldn't see love even when it hit you in the face. I pity you for taking it for granted. But most of all, I pity you for bragging about your age when each experience you get, you learn nothing from. To the contrary, every situation you are put in takes a little piece from you and makes you less of a person, less of a man and more like a child. I only wish that you do not continue this way, for the sake of mankind and for the sake of you, a person who afterall, I once knew. I wish you the kind of love that I have today. The kind that takes your breath away, takes you under and gets you gasping for breath. I wish you love that brings out sides of you that you never knew existed. I wish you find life and experience joy in a way you never had before. I wish you love and happiness. I wish you would let go of your attempts to show me how happy you are without me because I know I never mattered and it honestly does not concern me. And despite all the veiled-hate-messages you try sending me, I wish you enough peace to let me go.

22 comments:

Aya adel said...

This post is the best ever!
I can almost swear that those words can come out from me,
It is so amazing , quite strange that you and I went through the same exact experience , with the same details, Everything!
the messages through friends, that mask he put that ppl can see right through it, friends salute me for moving on and cutting him out of my life, ppl saying I deserve more,but I haven't experience love that take my breathes away though, that is it the day I look back and thank God he is out, that it is really over, that I was the one who ended everything, he was sucking mu soul , lessen my self-esteem, he was the kind of guys who could tell all my secrets when thers is no subject or issue to talk about, I don't have regrets, that was amazing yara, this blog like I said the simplicity that can knock your world upside down :)

Yara Hani said...

Aya, there is always a feeling of comfort that someone shares how you feel, isn't there? Not happiness that they felt the same pain, ofcourse. But that you were not the only one who let go of who you were for someone unworthy when you could have been becoming a better you with mr. right. I salute you too. I know how difficult it becomes to take such a decision. I know how it feels to think it over and over again and always back out on it until one day, this clarity dawns upon you that you can be better and that you deserve better. I wish you that clarity for the rest of your years to come and a love that makes it inevitable to forgive everyone who had ever wronged you just because you have that person who makes the world not matter in all the positive ways. I write now expecting your comments so please keep them coming :D xoxo

Anonymous said...

No Comment ...But Perfect !

shahenda said...

No Comment .....But Perfect !

shahenda said...
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Yara Hani said...

Thanksss :):):)

shahenda said...

u welcome :)

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shahenda said...
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Yara Hani said...

shahenda, until u know me or know anything about why this post was written, trust me enti ele fahma 7agat keteer ghalat :). think of it this way...if u have a bestfriend that u spend every single day and night with for years and u r the closest thing to her, could i possibly know more about her than you? could i possibly know what she did or said to u every single day? and no, actually, no one understood what this was about until these comments began, which was why i was against them in the first place. As u see, I didn't identify anyone or call them ugly names. I write about my opinions and feelings, and that is not offensive to anybody as long as they remain anonymous. 3amatan I will be deleting these comments, not out of disrespect to u or to anyone who has commented regarding the matter, but because kol elkalam da maloush ai lazma yet2al and not in public. These comments could give the wrong impression to certain people and like i said, i would like the anonymity continue and not give more insight to people about this post.
Articles like these r abstract ya shahenda, and they are open to interpretation. People who relate could feel like this is meant for a friend, others for a lover. Let's keep that open interpretation. If I want to let someone know ene btkalem 3n folan w ba2ol kaza w kaza w kaza, trust me, i would write a very clear message mentioning the name, who the person is and every detail of my life. but ofcourse, that is not what my blog is about.

Yara Hani said...

Done. and let me reassure u again, this is not out of disrespect. But this is to put an end to the public discussion regarding personal issues. I see you are on my twitter now so if u feel like talking about anything private, feel free to direct message me. Although this part of my life is over and I have moved on so that would be unnecessary. :) Thanks again for ur comments and let's stick to generalizations now to avoid the hassle :)